Navigating Health in Relationships with Narcissistic Family Members: Effective Strategies for Well-Being
- Janis E. McKinstry, MA
- May 30
- 6 min read
Updated: Jun 28
Navigating relationships with narcissistic family members can be taxing and can have profound effects on your health and wellbeing. These individuals lack empathy and prioritize their own needs and feelings, leaving others feeling drained, undervalued, and/or miserable. The effects can deeply impact mental and physical health, leading to increased stress and anxiety, and eventually serious health dis-ease. However, by employing effective strategies, you can promote your well-being while managing these complex familial dynamics.
Understanding Narcissism
Narcissism includes specific traits, like a constant need for attention & admiration, lack of empathy, victimhood, lying, entitlement, inflated sense of self, exploitation, manipulation, envy, and arrogance, twisting stories, taking credit for your work, threatening, devaluing, demanding compliance, which can all cause significant issues in family relationships. We only have to look at our current government and people in power for blaring examples. The arrogance, bigotry, hypocrisy, constant lies, the entitlement, the inability to take responsibility, lack of accountability, and excuses for every cruelty are just some of the symptoms of this disorder that we see. Dealing with someone like this in your family is very trying.
They're like vampires the way they suck the air out of every room, and certainly leave us feeling depleted. Dr. Ramani Durvasula says that approximately 1 in 4 of the USA population has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, with higher percentages in populated areas like cities, but many people exhibit narcissistic behaviors to varying degrees without having the disorder. So disorder or not, it is very difficult to navigate.
I don't think we can put an accurate estimate on how many people have NPD because they typically don't seek sincere help and don't get diagnosed. Most therapists aren't well trained to recognize these traits and can be manipulated into thinking the narcissist is a victim in the dynamic. I have personal and professional experience with narcissists and know this dynamic all too well and I'd like for you to recognize them before being charmed into their webs of deceit.
There is no such thing as authenticity with a narcissist. They're actors believing their own acting. They become whatever part that suits them to get whatever they want. Living with someone with narcissistic traits is very draining, like living with an emotional vampire seeking their feed however they can get it. Being around such individuals can create an environment where family members feel inadequate, anxious, confused, betrayed, discarded, and anything but emotionally met...eventually developing stress related dis-ease such as headaches, gastrointestinal issues, aches and pains, until autoimmunity and even cancer take hold. Acknowledging the impact of these relationships is the first step to regaining control over your overall health and emotional well-being.
My personal story is seeped in the pain, confusion, and betrayal of narcissistic relationships. As a Highly Sensitive Person I tend to be open hearted and trusting, seeing right into the soul, and ignoring the personality and red flags. I was innocent and entered into marriage with an abusive covert narcissist and stayed for almost 27 years, then later fell "in love" with a narcissist who swept me off my feet then wound me up in tiny knots and deep trauma bonding...I loved their souls and ignored their personalities. They both appeared so loving and sweet during the love bombing stage, then the devaluing began, leaving me alone when they were right next to me. I've never felt so alone as when I was married. The physical damage was 7 autoimmune diseases and later cancer.... And the worse pain of all is knowing that my adult son displays all the cruel signs of his father and that toxic family. It's nature and nurture, genetic, passed down in family lineage. It's heart breaking and health shattering. I made it out alive and I'm on a mission to help you, the empath, the sensitive, know how to navigate these winding and dangerous relationships.
A Few Beginning Strategies:Practice Self Awareness
Practice Self Awareness
Learn to regulate your breath and become aware of your inner world of sensations, thoughts, feelings, and beliefs so that you can discern what is truly yours and what is programming. I teach mindfulness in my couseling practice as a foundation for healing and growth. Without self awareness it is impossible to know what you need or want in life.
Set Boundaries
When we're in difficult realtionships we may be tempted to explain how we feel while believing that they will understand and show empathy toward us. A true narcissist does not have emapthy so they will not truly be able to feel empathy toward you. Because of this it is wise to keep your interactions with them superficial, light, and brief. Beyond this establishing strong boundaries is crucial for preserving your health when dealing with narcissistic family members. Boundaries define what behavior you will or will not accept. But, be mindful of how much personal information you can share with the narcissist in your family to avoid them using sensitive information against you in the future:
Identify Your Limits: Reflect on what actions upset you. Do you dislike being criticized or disrespected? Understanding your limits helps you communicate them effectively.
Communicate Clearly: Be direct yet respectful in expressing your needs. An example might be, “I want to be respectful of each other's beliefs in this discussion, and I will end it and leave if I feel that this discussion is becoming unkind or disrespectful.” This lets you avoid a toxic conversation and protects your mental state.
Stick to Your Boundaries: Once you set boundaries, be consistent in upholding them. If someone tests them, gently remind them of your limits. This not only helps your mental health but also sets a clear standard for how you expect to be treated.
Abuse is not tolerated: If the situation becomes abusive in any way it's time to leave.
Practice Self-Care
Self-care plays a vital role in maintaining your well-being amid the stress created by narcissistic dynamics. Prioritizing activities that recharge your spirit is essential.
Engage in Physical Activity: Physical movement releases endorphins that boost your mood. Aim for at least 30 minutes of exercise five times a week, whether through walking, swimming, yoga, or dancing find an outlet for yourself that feels nourishing and fun.
Relax Your Nervous System: practice breath work and humming, singing, dancing, swaying, stretching....
Prioritize Mental Health: Utilize tools such as journaling or meditation to process your emotions. Seeking therapy with a seasoned practitioner who understands the complexity of narcissism can also provide invaluable support in dealing with family tension, helping you build effective coping strategies.
Special Time for You: Regularly set aside time for yourself. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself as you would be with your own child. Whether it’s walking in nature, reading a book or gardening, engaging in activities you love allows you to recharge and maintain a sense of self beyond family obligations. Take time to smell the roses.
Foster Supportive Relationships
Having a support network is vital for managing the stress that comes from interacting with narcissistic family members. Healthy relationships provide an emotional outlet and a balanced perspective.
Cultivate Friendships: Surround yourself with friends who validate and uplift you. Research suggests that supportive relationships can reduce stress and enhance overall well-being significantly.
Participate in Group Activities: Join clubs or classes that pique your interest. Engaging in community activities not only broadens your social circle but also connects you with like-minded individuals who can offer support and encouragement. Whether in person or online, human connection with supportive people is helpful.
Focus on Personal Growth
Pursuing personal growth can be a transformative experience. Focusing on your own development shifts attention from toxic family behaviors to building your own skills and confidence.
Set Personal Goals: Identify goals that ignite your passion. Whether academic, personal, or career-oriented, these objectives can provide motivation, helping you remain focused and inspired.
Educate Yourself: Learning about narcissism can help clarify family dynamics. Many resources, like books or online courses, provide valuable insights that can ease feelings of isolation and confusion, just be sure it's reliable information. (I have a few blogs on my website.)
Celebrate Your Achievements: Take time to acknowledge your progress, even if it's small. Celebrating milestones reinforces your self-worth and underscores your journey of personal growth.
Know When to Walk Away
While striving for healthy interactions is important, sometimes the best option is to distance yourself from toxic behavior.
Recognize Red Flags: If conversations consistently leave you drained or belittled, it may be time to rethink your engagement with these individuals. It’s crucial to prioritize your emotional safety.
Establish Physical Space: Create distance when possible by limiting visits or phone calls. A brief break can offer you clarity and perspective.
Seek Professional Insight: Consulting a specialist like me can equip you with tailored strategies for disengaging from harmful interactions and deciding how to maintain healthier boundaries.
Embracing Your Journey
Navigating relationships with narcissistic family members poses unique challenges that are difficult to describe. However, the steps to maintain emotional and physical health are achievable. By establishing boundaries, practicing self-care, fostering supportive relationships, focusing on personal growth, and knowing when to step back, you can significantly enhance your well-being.
Remember that prioritizing your health and happiness is essential. As you implement these strategies, know that you have the power to thrive, even in complex family situations. Embrace your journey toward self-discovery and resilience, ensuring that toxic dynamics do not dictate your mental and emotional well-being. I'm here when you're ready to heal and will be happy to explore your desires and needs for a happy life.
Warmly,
Janis
Comments